Women bear the brunt of the holidays. This isn’t a plea for feminism or equality, I’m just stating the reality of the next six weeks or so.

Consider, who in your family system, pulls the hardest on making sure long distance gifts are mailed, meals are planned and prepared, photo cards are ordered and sent with corresponding stamps? I thought so. Whether you call her wife, mother, daughter, sister or mother-in-law — women pull the hardest.

I use the analogy of sled dogs to make my point here simply because it works. For this season, it is most likely the woman who is the lead role.

Do we like that lead role?

Depending on our experience, skills and attitude, I would say yes to some of the things, but not all.

We’ve been ruined by Instagram, The Food Network, Martha Stewart, QVC and every other magazine or show that featured perfect food, perfect tables and perfect looking hostesses. I can deliver a lot during the holidays but not all expectations can be fulfilled. So I set priorities, and I make lists, and I over-communicate what help is needed and when – but I am still the lead dog.

I am not complaining. I am shedding light on the influences that make the holiday season so stressful and frustrating and ripe for disappointment for women. I shouldn’t put all my emotional eggs in how the refrigerator cherry cookies turn out, but when I think they’ll be judged – I do. Stress wins. I shouldn’t spend a minute thinking about coordinating the gift wrap for the presents under the tree and then the sweet pic for Facebook Christmas morning, but I do. Stress wins.

So how do we turn holidays back to what they were meant to be which is fun with family and friends and love expressed and received?

Here are some thoughts:

If you are invited to another family’s home over the holidays, note it is the female that has carried the brunt of the load here. Bring a hostess gift for her! Think coffee gift cards, margarita mix or candle. Heck, a gift certificate for a massage is nice, but that could get awkward.

Notice and appreciate wherever you see effort. Women exert a lot of physical and mental energy on the holidays and we don’t do it to be appreciated — but it helps a lot!

If the Elf on the Shelf would get off his duff and actually do some work around the house during the night, that would help! A simple statement of appreciation will go along way in our ability to hold it together in this season.

When she asks for help, give it! This applies to everyone in the house. One out of two women are also working so the feeling of overwhelmed is common.

Ask “What can I do to help?” often and then listen. Women are working off lists either on paper or in our minds and there is great satisfaction and better sleep as that list gets shorter.

A final note to the sisterhood of all women. The holidays can be a cruel taskmaster if you let them. Get your lists ready and be sure to include some things for you!

I bought a new candle.

— Audra Shaneman is a New Ulm resident