Dear Annie: My parents both passed away in the last couple of years, with the most recent being my mother in December. She left an estranged relative in charge of closing both of my parents’ estates. This person has largely been absent from our lives and only reconnected with my parents when they became terminally ill (and they could potentially profit financially).

Initially, this person seemed genuinely upset about the situation and promised to be transparent with the process, but that lasted less than two months. Naively, my siblings and I thought that even though my parents left the contents of the house to this relative, they would be reasonable to us, especially for our requests to save important items. This was initially brushed aside with excuses that anything we may have wanted already got sold since my mother was in the process of downsizing to move into assisted living, but she passed away before it happened.

When pressed further, they refused to provide an accounting of the contents of the house before eventually telling us that we had missed our chance and that we should have asked our parents about this when they were still alive. They also revealed that an estate sale was scheduled for the following weekend. The company hosting the sale posted photos of the items being offered, and we realized that we had been lied to about what was still there. Besides a significant number of family heirlooms (not from their side of the family) and personal effects, the most galling was to see artwork that I had made in high school being sold.

Allegedly, my parents also left notes, separate from their estate documents, regarding who was to receive certain items, but again my relative refused to share copies.

To add further insult to the situation, the memorial services for my mother did not take place until three months after she had passed, by which time the house and contents had been sold. The relative handling the estate again refused to provide details about the services planned and only said it would be per my mother’s wishes with the pastor who would be officiating, and they gave the same answer, though in a nicer tone. In protest, and to avoid seeing the estranged relative, I chose not to attend the memorial, but I was in town that weekend to catch up with other family members who showed up.

This is only a small fraction of the mess that my parents’ estate has turned into. The various potential conflicts of interest uncovered with the estate attorney would encompass several more pages. I have tried with little success to engage my siblings to take more interest in what is happening. This has left me feeling rather defeated and, even more so, angry. While my siblings and I may not have been particularly close with our parents, I find it difficult to believe this is what they wanted and were not duped into leaving this estranged relative to manage the estate when they passed. — Defeated and Angry

Dear Defeated and Angry: First off, I am sorry for your loss. On top of the grief that I am sure you are experiencing in losing both parents, now you are losing all the items in your house that you had during the years you lived there. To sell your high school painting shows how non-empathetic this estranged relative truly is. I’m not sure why you and your siblings were not close to your parents, but it sounds like there was a lot of tension that is now manifesting itself through who they chose to carry on their legacy. That is really difficult. You could try to consult an attorney, but if that was truly the will of your parents, then I’m not sure there is much you can do. Talking, and listening to, your siblings will help.