Dear Annie: My oldest son is 43. He lives in another state. He has a girlfriend that he lives with. They are serious but not married, but they do plan to get married. The girlfriend has four children, ages 22, 21, 14 and 12.

My son wants to come visit. He has two kids. One is 18 years old (adopted through a previous marriage), and one is 7 years old (biological daughter from another marriage).

The problem is that he wants to visit with nine people, and we have a vacation rental for our business that can accommodate only four people. We have a septic tank system here.

We really are worried about so many people staying here. I asked if he could come visit without the adult children who don’t live at home. He got really offended. He said they would be coming as a family on vacation.

We like doing things together to stay close as a family. He said he does not mind cramming everyone into the guest house. Sleeping on the beds, couches, recliner and floor. We kind of do mind. He does not understand septic systems and the problems that can arise, even though I told him.

He said if he can’t bring everyone, then he probably won’t come visit much. Or if they stay at a hotel, we won’t see them much because the kids sleep in late and they would be gone on outings a lot of the time.

Also, lots of food and drinks of some sort will be needed. That’s 11 people total. I could afford it, but still.

What do I say or do about this? — Sad Mama

Dear Sad Mama: Of course you are sad. No one likes to feel used. You are being very generous opening up your house, and your son is being unreasonable. He is acting spoiled and using your grandchildren as bait so that he can get his way. It’s simply not right. Hold firm to four people max at the house, and if you are feeling generous, then maybe you could help financially with the hotel close by.