Finding love in all the wrong places

Dear Annie

Dear Annie: I have let

myself get involved with a

significantly younger guy.

To make matters worse, I’m

married. In my defense, before

I even started talking to

this other guy, my husband

and I had come to a place

in our marriage where we

were more like roommates

than husband and wife. We

didn’t even share the same

bedroom (which was his

decision). He never showed

me affection of any kind.

We spoke to each other, but

that was it.

I started socializing with

men on social media, and I

must admit I did get taken

by a scammer for $12,000,

which I shouldn’t have never

let happen. But I have met

this great guy on another site.

He lives in Nigeria and is

younger than me. I know Nigeria

has a bad track record

for scammers, but this guy

really doesn’t seem like he

would be into that stuff.

As for my husband… I

care for him and don’t want

to keep hurting him but my

love for him isn’t the way it

should be. Yet, I can’t bring

myself to leave him.

The guy in Nigeria begs

me to fly to see him. We

FaceTime each other and

talk on the phone so much

and text each other when

he’s not working. We are

constantly on the phone — or

we were, anyway. Lately, I

have noticed that often I text

him, call him or FaceTime

him, and he doesn’t respond

back. Then finally, three

days later, he will text back

and ask when am I flying to

him. I question him on why

or what happened I haven’t

heard from him. His answer

is always that he’s been

busy working. I’ve noticed

that whenever I mention

getting extra pay at work,

he responds right away.

Annie, maybe, deep

down, my heart is saying

that maybe he is a scammer

and actually doesn’t feel

about me the way I’d hoped

he would.

I get nostalgic looking

back on how he treated me

four months ago when we

first started talking, and it’s

not the same. I’ve brought

this up with him, but he just

insists he’s working to make

a good life for us when I

come. — Love Two Men

Dear Love Two: In case

your heart isn’t saying it

loudly enough, I’ll add my

voice to the chorus: This

man is a scammer. If that

weren’t reason enough to

lose his number, there’s

also the fact of your marriage.

You and your husband

took vows, and that

still means something, even

if you’ve grown apart. You

owe it to yourselves to try

bridging the gulf. Tell him

how you’re longing for intimacy

and affection; commit

to marriage counseling

together. (There are also

online counseling options

available, such as Better-

Help and Couples Therapy


If you’ve completely

moved on and are going to

continue seeing other men,

OK, fine. But at least first give

your husband the courtesy of

a divorce — and don’t give

new suitors your credit card

numbers, passwords, Social

Security number, birthdate or

other personal data.

Read on for a few additional

tips, courtesy of the

Federal Bureau of Investigation.

Beware if the individual

seems too perfect or quickly

asks you to leave a dating

service or social media site

to communicate directly.

Beware if the individual

requests inappropriate photos

or financial information.

Beware if the individual

promises to meet in person

but then always comes up

with an excuse why he or

she can’t. If you haven’t

met the person after a few

months, for whatever reason,

you have good reason

to be suspicious.


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