Dear Annie: Last year, a friend of 50 years and I were talking about flying to Canada to meet for a trip. Prior to making any plans, I researched and found that the mask requirements were still in place for Canada. Although I have always adhered to the requirements and am fully vaccinated, I didn’t feel comfortable having to wear a mask for such a long trip. I am already a nervous flyer due to inner ear issues, and I felt this would cause a lot of anxiety. I said I would pass but she and the other friend involved should proceed without me.

She then told me she felt our friendship did not matter to me as much as not wearing a mask and she could no longer be around me! I gave her a heartfelt apology, saying it had nothing to do with my affection for her and that I was devastated she felt that way. It did not make a difference, and now I am left feeling so abandoned and sad. This is a friend with whom I have never exchanged harsh words and would never in a million years expect anything less than compassion and understanding.

I am obsessing about it and doubting myself, although anyone I have asked says they think she is the unreasonable one. How do I get beyond this hurt? — Broken Up Over Covid

Dear Broken Up: A 50-year friendship shouldn’t go down this easily. There might be something else going on in her personal life that is making her act so irrationally. I would reach out to her and reiterate how much you care about the friendship and how much you miss her. Tell her that you want to plan another trip with her now that the mask mandates are a thing of the past. If all of that still doesn’t work, then there isn’t much you can do. She knows how you feel, and the ball is in her court.

Dear Annie: This is a reply to “Catfished,” the 70-year-old woman who was deceived by a pen pal as a teen and is considering whether or not to reach out now. I would seriously taper your expectations from the pen pal. You’ll likely get a more vocal response if you sound more curious than upset. For example, “I thought we had made a genuine connection. Why didn’t you tell me instead of hiding? It felt like we had a real friendship.”

Something along those lines would open the door. Asking from a place of curiosity, not a place of anger, is likely a better route to go if you want them to respond so you can find some amount of closure. — Similarly Swindled

Dear Swindled: You’ve made an excellent suggestion. “Catfished” is undoubtedly still hurt by this woman’s actions no matter how long it’s been, but I agree she’s more likely to get a better outcome if she approaches it calmly and rationally — and, as you say, as a matter of curiosity. Other readers reached out with similar sentiments and words of gentle caution, as well as echoed the therapy suggestion to finally overcome this unresolved pain.