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What’s Going On: The monster on our dining room table

What's Going On

The table was set and decorated appropriately for the special Easter dinner.

There was a colored table cloth, and equally festive-looking paper plates to use, accompanied by napkins featuring a floral print.

But as my wife labored in the kitchen, juggling her typical array of ham, sweet potatoes, cheesy potatoes, a vegetable of some sort, a couple pies and of course, the most ironic of foods for a religious holiday, deviled eggs, she made a request of me: get some flowers for the center of the table.

Then she added a secondary request: take a child with you.

With the secondary request, my mind immediately wondered if she really wanted the flowers or simply was using the tried and true method of dividing and conquering by removing one of the three children from the chaotic environment in which she was trying to be productive. We have learned through the last couple years that when we have two children in the house, 98 percent of the time they play great together. Add the third, no matter which one it may be, and the living room resembles a prison riot.

Regardless, with marching orders in hand, I corralled my oldest daughter who loves flowers, shopping, and doing anything with her daddy, and hopefully not necessarily in that order.

On the way out the door, I received my final directions.

“Just get something simple and cheap,” she told me.

Simple and cheap. That’s right in my wheelhouse. In fact, some might say it’s a pretty good description of me.

Anyway, so on a Sunday afternoon I head to the local grocery store to find my floral equivalent.

With my faithful assistant at my side, it didn’t take us long to find a variety of selections ranging from potted plants to cut ornamentals. Keeping in mind my charge of simple and cheap, I directed my daughter to choose from an appropriate cropping and not surprisingly, she chose not only the brightest colored bouquet but one that was also adorned with glitter.

So I took the sparkly collection of a dozen or so daisies and paid my appropriate $7.56 for them, heading home proud of the fact I was able to seemingly fulfill my task so effortlessly.

The bouquet featured some strange tie-dye/neon equivalent color scheme of light purple, orange and red petals which somehow faded into an off white.

Clearly, this was some sort of genetically modified Frankenflower.

And much like the man-made monster of Dr. Frankenstein, this organism has proven equally indestructible.

While a couple petals have fallen (which could be attributed to our children confusing the dining room table for a pommel horse) the flowers have remarkably retained their original luster and appearance from two weeks ago.

Sure, I cut the flowers at an angle under cold water like you’re supposed to before putting them in the vase, and I added the requisite “fairy dust” (my daughter’s term) as well, but I’m still amazed at how this “simple and cheap” bouquet has become a permanent member of our family, joining us at every meal.

I fully recognize and have no intentions of wading into the murky waters of the genetically modified organism (GMO) debate, but there’s no doubt this assortment on my table at home is not my mother’s flowers.

While not at the same pace as crops, scientists have also been tinkering with decorative flowers for the better part of a decade, giving us things nature can’t do, like blue roses, and even flowers that glow in the dark, like a jellyfish.

And of course, they’ve given us flowers you can buy at Easter and then repurpose as part of a Halloween costume six months later.

While bread that doesn’t mold for 4 weeks doesn’t scare me like it probably should, I can appreciate without fear the longevity of this scientific creation as long as my 2-year-old doesn’t try to eat them.

My wife and I watched Jurassic Park a few weeks back, the original dinosaur movie that has since spawned four sequels, including the most recent Jurassic World.

When questioning the morality and ethical dilemmas associated with genetically creating an extinct species of dinosaurs, a leading character stated “your scientists were so preoccupied with whether they could they didn’t stop to think if they should.”

I must admit, when I first saw that movie and heard that line 25 years ago in reference to a 40-foot-tall-carnivore, I never thought the same argument could eventually apply to a bunch of real-life daisies sitting on my dining room table.

Thanks for that, science.

——

Gregory Orear is the publisher of The Journal. His award-winning weekly column, “What’s Going On,” has been published in four newspapers in three states for more than 20 years. He can be contacted at gorear@nujournal.com.

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