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Deliberately hurting yourself

Columns

We all want to live, survive, and avoid pain. Survival, adaptation, and self-preservation is a normal drive. Psychologists, however, encounter people who do not have suicidal thoughts, do not want to die, but deliberately harm their body and do acts of self-injury. This perplexing behavior can be quite difficult to understand. The actual self-injury can take many forms. Some people cut themselves, burn themselves, pick out pieces of flesh, carve themselves, pull out hair, or find other ways to inflict pain. Destroying their own body without any desire to die is counter to maintaining ...

Getting phased out of my friend group

Columns

Dear Annie: I am 52 and I have a good life on paper. I am married, I work full-time, and I have two teenagers who keep me busy. But lately I have felt oddly lonely, and I am not sure if I am being overly sensitive or finally noticing something I have ignored for years. I have a close group of friends from our kids’ elementary school days. We still do birthdays, group texts and the occasional dinner. Here is the issue: They have started doing a lot more without me, and I usually find out after the fact. It is never one big, obvious exclusion. It is the little things. A photo pops up ...

Going for the gold

Columns

The Winter Olympics have arrived, that quadrennial phenomenon that should be called the “It’s Cold Enough Out There to Freeze the Whiskers Off a Polar Bear!” I have nothing against people who enjoy winter sporting events. But I’ve had my fill of cold, having grown up in a drafty old farmhouse where you could see your breath when you crawled out of bed on subzero winter mornings. We mortals watch, gobsmacked, as superhuman athletes perform superhuman feats of athleticism. Thanks to the TV commentators’ observations, we soon become critics. “His left skate slid two ...

Valentine’s Day, Mardi Gras provide reasons to celebrate

Columns

The next few days offer plenty of reasons for midwinter celebration, plenty of reasons to be happy and to enjoy time with family and friends. Valentine’s Day happens today. I’m sure many people of all ages will get valentines and maybe eat out. It’s not just for couples. It’s a day to let all relatives and friends know that they’re important. The main thing I remember about Valentine’s Day growing up was how everyone in my elementary school classes gave each other valentines. It was all inclusive. We didn’t limit it to just a small group of friends. I believe those ...

Recent Reads

Columns

Here are few of my favorite recent reads. Library staff would be happy to help you place requests on these or any other titles. If you’d like to place your own request, visit www.newulmlibrary.org and choose Library Catalog. Margo and Ian have been losing real estate bidding wars for eighteen months now. Ian is ready to throw in the towel, but Margo clings to her dreams of the ideal suburban lifestyle. When she gets a tip about the perfect house in the perfect neighborhood, Margo is desperate to get an edge on the competition. In Best Offer Wins, Marisa Kashino expertly illustrates ...

Look for love in the little things

Columns

Dear Readers, Valentine’s Day has a funny way of making people take attendance of who remembered the holiday, who didn’t, who has plans, who pretends they do, who smiles at the grocery store display of roses and who speeds past it like it might ask a personal question. If today feels joyful for you, wonderful. Enjoy every bit of it. If today feels tender, lonely, complicated or just plain annoying, you are not alone. Love is not a neat holiday. It is a living thing, and it shows up in far more places than a fancy dinner reservation. We have all been taught in one way or another ...