Dear Annie: My friend of 20 years confessed to having a crush on her executive coach, which then developed into a flirtation, which then became a sexting affair. I have always known she is unhappy in her marriage, but I cannot condone cheating and have told her so.

She’s also started vaping, pierced her nose, talked about buying a new car (she just bought her last one two years ago) and even had an addition put on her house so she could have her own room away from her family.

I’ve told her she’s exhibiting signs of a mid-life crisis. She told me she’s fine and that working out and getting lip filler is just “self-care.” She swings between crying about feeling worthless after her affair and snickering about her “bad girl” behavior.

I’m the only person she’s told about this. I told her I wish she would follow my advice rather than just tell me her secrets and expect me to keep them.

I feel I’m at a standstill with her. I sincerely feel she’s destroying her life, but I can’t force anyone to change, so what should I do? — Watching a Trainwreck

Dear Watching a Trainwreck: Advice is only useful to people who want it. Everyone else just wants an audience.

You’re right to be concerned and equally right to know you can’t fix this for her.

The next step isn’t another lecture. It’s a boundary. Tell her you care, but you can’t be the vault for secrets you don’t support. Stop engaging in the play-by-play. When she’s ready for real change, she’ll find you.

Dear Annie: I’m a 52-year-old woman with a good marriage, grown kids and a life I’m generally proud of. But I can’t stop feeling irritated — and then guilty — around my younger sister.

She’s 46 and recently divorced, and now she’s going through what she cheerfully calls her “renaissance.” New wardrobe, new hobbies, new friend group, new opinions about everything. She posts inspirational quotes daily and talks endlessly about how she’s finally “living her truth.” I want to be supportive. Truly. But every conversation turns into a monologue about her freedom, her glow-up and, inevitably, how she “couldn’t imagine” still being tied down like some people.

Those “some people” appear to be me.

She insists she’s not judging, but I leave her house feeling like she sees me as the cautionary tale in her comeback story. When I change the subject, she circles right back. When I joke it off, she doubles down.

I don’t want to compete with my sister or resent her happiness. But I also don’t want to keep swallowing my annoyance. How do I support her new chapter without letting it irritate me so much? — Happy for Her

Dear Happy for Her: It sounds like your sister is dazzled by her own spotlight right now. The next time she praises her freedom at your expense, respond with a calm, “I’m content where I am.” No explanation. No speeches.

If she’s genuinely living her truth, she can allow you to live yours — without commentary. Until then, it’s OK to step back.