Just about everyone | know has told me that love was the reason they married their spouse.

Whether you are married or divorced, love was in there somewhere. Since love is the most often stated reason for marriage, it would be good to know what that is. What follows is what psychologists generally have said that love is all about.

One way that you might characterize the stages in a relationship is in three steps. First comes the Romantic stage. In this stage, we put our best foot forward and do everything we can to ensure that the other person wants to keep seeing us.

The second inevitable stage is the period of disillusionment. That is when you begin to see the not-so-pleasing sides of each other. What you see may be minor and tolerable, or major and intolerable. This is when the breakups occur.

If we get through stage two, stage three is the mature love stage. That is when the relationship really blooms. There are two flavors of love that are involved in these stages.

Psychologists may call the flavors simply love and in-love. Love is the brass ring that we want, hope for, dream about, and expect that that is the way our relationship will be. If you wait to marry until you are through the disillusionment stage, success is possible. If not, you may find yourself married to someone you wouldn’t date.

When we are in love, that is a major part of the first stage, which starts the relationship-building process.”A number of emotions are fired up that may be described as thrilling, passionate, and intense, with infatuation and desire. We love how the other person makes us feel. It is exhilarating and exciting. Intense emotions accompany romantic attraction and a sense of attachment. Being in love is the initial spark, but it may also lack depth. For many, all of that may fade and ultimately be temporary.

Mature love is different. Mature love lasts. It is deep, it endures, and it involves commitment.

You accept each other, sacrifice for each other, share responsibility, and the relationship can grow over time. It develops into a stable, permanent attachment that becomes deeper as time goes on. You support each other, you want the best for each other, and you make whatever sacrifices need to be made to make your spouse happy. You are concerned for him or her, you take responsibility for meeting their needs, and you have and show respect for each other.

Also, you communicate with each other. There is no ‘he or she should know’ how you feel, or what you want, when you never told him or her. You express your wants and needs, and your spouse will try to deliver.

The obvious ingredient that leads to a mutually satisfying, successful, loving relationship is as follows: No matter how long you are married, you should treat each other just like you did when you were dating and you wanted him or her to keep seeing you.

Why should you ever change the way you treat each other?

Well, you shouldn’t. A lot of stage one behaviors applied liberally and consistently over the years make all the difference. The things you did to keep each other wanting to be with you work quite well when included in the mature love stage. When people stop doing that, the relationship suffers.

— Dr. Joseph Switras provides clinical psychological services at United Health District in Fairmont to people age 5 and up.