Have you ever done something stupid?

I have. And each time that happens, I vow to quit doing stupid things. So far, that hasn’t worked.

The MX170 is our planter tractor in the spring. This time of year, it’s got the loader on. The loader tractor gets used for all sorts of tasks around the farm. I was using it down by the bins last week. I was in and out of the cab and left the door open when I went to do other things.

A couple of hours later, I was mowing. With the steady rains we’ve gotten this summer, mowing never ends. Anyway, I mowed my way down toward the bins. I was going around the 170 when I heard a loud pop and felt a shower of glass pieces on me. The rollbar on the Grasshopper lawnmower had caught the open tractor door.

The door was the type of glass that shatters into a million pieces. I knew in a millisecond what had happened. I had a brief and useless thought that I wished could go back in time just a moment and redo it. Alas, the time-space continuum does not allow that.

That split second of stupidity was going to cost me hours of cleaning up and dealing with repairs. Barring injury, that’s the worst part of doing something stupid. It’s going to cost you time and money, whether you have it or not.

I went in the house to sheepishly report my stupid thing to my life partner. Pam pointed out that I always leave the cupboard doors open, too. Clearly, she was identifying a pattern for me. Pam knows me well.

Breaking one tractor door in one’s life should be enough. But no. Some years ago, I worked part time at Fort Ridgely State Park. I was doing some work on the park’s John Deere tractor inside the shop. I jumped in the cab and went to back it out.

I discovered that the open door did not clear the shop wall. Same result as last week. A pop and an explosion of glass chunks.

I found out that an accident that damages state property triggers an immense amount of paperwork. Just saying that you are sorry and that it was stupid is not enough. There are timelines, diagrams, witness statements, and detailed descriptions of the misdeed. I think the DNR wants you to feel shamed, so as to discourage others from screwing up.

I have had discussions with friends about when will we be old enough to stop doing stupid things?

The consensus and obvious answer is when we are dead. That’s not a particularly appealing way to solve the problem.

I hope to hang around for a while. In whatever time I have left, I will attempt to not leave tractor doors open. I will also try to shut the cupboard doors for Pam. We’ll see. There’s only so much self-improvement a guy can do at one time. Who knows? Maybe in the afterlife, I’ll leave the Pearly Gate open.

In thinking about this, I spent time rifling through the cupboards of my mind to remember stupid things I’ve done. I wish I could say it was a short list. The only thing keeping it from being the length of a novel is that I’ve forgotten or blocked some out of my mind.

All of us will do a certain number of stupid things, some more than others. I have to say it is a blessing to make it to this age without doing something really stupid. Really stupid things usually come with injury. Or worse, injury to someone else.

There’s been a few skun knuckles and bangs to my head, but nothing too painful. When I was rearended by a semi in my tractor, that was someone else’s stupid thing.

When our stupid things affect others, it becomes grounds for an apology on our part. Forgiveness is called for on the other’s part. In that way, our miscues and those of others are a way to be our best human being. It takes a certain amount of real love to forgive.

Jesus is clear about this. “Forgive us out trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.” “Trespasses” is a biblical term for “stupid things that hurt others.”

There are other things that look stupid on the surface, but don’t officially qualify as a “stupid thing.” I remember completely botching a ground ball that cost my team a slow-pitch softball game once. It felt stupid in the moment, but that was more a case of lack of skill.

Those things we mess up are “flubs.” All of us commit some flubs in life. Like dropping the hot dish on the way to the table. Now, if we ignored our spouse telling us it’ was hot and we needed oven mitts, that would cross over to being a stupid thing. It’s sometimes a fine line between a flub and a stupid thing.

I have a new place where I go to ask tough questions. My AI Google is always there for me, anytime of day, to answer my queries. Sometimes it gives me rambling, barely coherent answers. But that’s true for all my friends really.

Hey Google. Why do we do stupid things?

“People do stupid things for a variety of reasons, often stemming for a combination of cognitive biases, emotional factors, and situational influences. These actions, while seemingly illogical, are often driven by a misguided belief that they will lead to happiness or some other perceived benefit.”

I guess leaving the tractor door open was a situational influence. The situation was me being lazy. The perceived benefit was not having to open the door when I came back to use the tractor. Clearly that was a misguided belief.

Perhaps someday AI Google will do some of these odd chores around the farm. I’m not sure what I’ll do with all that extra free time. Maybe I’ll go around and shut the cupboard doors.

— Randy Krzmarzick farms on the home place west of Sleepy Eye, where he lives with his wife, Pam.