Life has its ups and downs, good and bad, right and wrong.

How would you know good days if it wasn’t for the bad ones?

How would you learn what not to do if you didn’t make mistakes?

Since that is the way life seems to be, how do we handle the bad times?

Those bad times cause stress. Stress is triggered when something occurs that demands that you do something about it.

The things that trigger stress are called stressors. To survive, we have to learn to cope with those stressors, deal with them effectively, and overcome them.

There are any number of stressors with which we must learn to cope. Physical stressors may include things like pain, injuries, excess heat or cold, hunger, predatory animals, or predatory people who want to harm you in some way. There are psychological stressors like not enough money, losing your keys or wallet, traffic, deadlines, relationship issues, threat of loss of job security, or wanting to get a good grade in school. The list of potential stressors with which we must learn to cope is probably endless.

The emotional impact of a stressor depends on how we perceive and interpret that stressor, and its actual or potential impact on you. The name for sizing up a stressor is appraisal. It is possible to exaggerate the threat from a small stressor or to minimize the threat presented by a big one. How a stressor is appraised matters. Accurate appraisal can make a big difference in how successful coping with that stressor will be.

One definition for coping is managing the demands that a stressor places on you. Another definition is that coping is how you try to deal with a stressor that you have appraised and believe that what needs to be done will tax or exceed your resources and your ability to handle it.

If the demands of the stressor are perceived as more than you can handle, or if it requires more resources than you have, you are in a stressful situation. A coping response is then required. The reality of the stressor, as well as the emotional impact that it triggers in you, must be managed.

The resources that you have available will determine if and how you will cope. Basic coping resources can include how optimistic you are about your ability to handle the situation, your general level of self-esteem, and if you have social support that may include things like encouragement. The right resources, for example, will affect your approach to the stressor.

Direct action, your ability to confront your emotional reaction to the stressor, or whether to avoid or withdraw from it, may depend on available resources. A lack of coping resources can easily lead to chronic psychological distress.

The optimism resource involves the expectation that good things will come from your coping efforts. The control resource refers to your belief that you will be able to control or actually influence the outcome of your coping efforts. Good self-esteem and a positive sense of self can reduce the negative impact of any anxiety that the stressor may trigger. The social resource involves having people around you who like or love you, encourage you, and/or may give you the assistance you need to cope successfully. Good social support will help reduce the psychological distress triggered by some stressors.

Another aspect of your approach to how you cope is what are your coping intentions?

Do you want to absolutely finally resolve the stressful situation?

Do you want to just reduce the severity or the level of the unpleasantness of the stressor, or do you want to avoid it?

That decision will have an impact on how you employ your resources and tools to cope with the situation.

As time goes on, you will be successful in coping with different types of stressors. You will be able to take what you have learned in past situations and apply the successful coping methods to similar but different situations. Such is the way to learn to cope with problems and life.

— Dr. Joseph Switras provides clinical psychological services at United Health District in Fairmont to people age 5 and up.