Dear Annie: Now that

my husband and I are in our

70s, it feels as if our social

world has shrunk to the size

of a postage stamp. Friends

have moved away to be near

their children, others are

dealing with health issues,

and a few have simply drifted

off. We used to host dinners,

take short trips and enjoy a

lively circle. Now the phone

barely rings.

Our children are kind

but busy, and I don’t want

to rely on them for every bit

of companionship. Still, the

quiet gets to me. I just want

something to look forward

to besides doctor’s appointments

and the nightly news.

I’ve tried joining a book

club, but it fizzled. My husband

is content with his

hobbies, but I miss having a

group of my own. How do

people rebuild a social life at

this stage? Or am I expecting

too much? — Restless but

Hopeful

Dear Restless but Hopeful:

Companionship looks

different as we age, but it

remains just as important.

You may have to work a bit

harder than you once did,

but a close circle is still worth

the effort. That might mean

joining a community walking

group, taking a weekly

class at the library or senior

center, inviting a neighbor

for coffee or volunteering

somewhere that needs steady

hands. Even small, regular

interactions can grow into

friendships if you give them

a chance.

You don’t have to rebuild

your whole social life in one

fell swoop. Start with one

person, one activity, one

small step. The world has a

way of opening up when you

do.

Dear Annie: I’ve recently

learned that much of my

life was built on secrets. My

mother, who now has dementia,

doesn’t realize that

she’s started to confess things

she hid for decades.

I have two sisters and a

very strained relationship

with both. We were raised

by troubled parents and not

taught right. My mom struggled

and did what she could,

but she clearly played favorites

with one sister in particular.

That sister has been

involved in crime and hurt

so many people over the

years, including me.

I’d always felt something

was off in their relationship

and like my sister could do

no wrong in my mother’s

eyes. I’ve just learned that

over 35 years ago, this sister

had a baby while using drugs

and that the father was my

ex-boyfriend. He slept not

only with me and my sister

but also with my mother.

He’s the father of my sister’s

baby girl who was later put

up for adoption.

This has left a wound

that’s wide open and not

healing. Please give me insight

on how to close it. —

Life of Lies

Dear Life of Lies: What

you’ve uncovered would

shake anyone. You’re dealing

with not just one betrayal but

a whole tangle of them that’s

completely changed how you

view your family and your

childhood. I can’t imagine

how painful this has been for

you to cope with.

Allow yourself the space

to feel it all — pain, anger,

confusion and grief. Don’t

feel pressured to forgive right

away. A good therapist can

help you work through it.

You can’t change the past,

but you can choose what you

carry forward. You get to

decide what kind of life you

want now and who belongs

in it. That choice is the beginning

of your healing.