The event is held annually on the second Sunday in December as part of a global observance. Chapters worldwide light candles at 7 p.m. in their local time zones, creating a continuous 24-hour remembrance.

Approximately 40 to 50 families attended in person, with a few participating via Zoom. Families traveled from communities including Winthrop, Arlington, Mankato, North Mankato, Nicollet, Madelia and Owatonna.

Participants read prepared statements and shared brief remarks about their children. A slideshow displayed photos of the children being remembered. Musical selections were performed during the program.

Jean Bening of Arlington, technology liaison for the chapter, spoke about her daughter Megan, who died at age 20.

Compassionate Friends member Jean Bening speaks about losing her daughter Megan, during the Sunday’s candlelight ceremony at Redeemer Lutheran Church in New Ulm.

“Megan was my only child, and losing her at 20 left a hole that will never be filled,” Bening said.

“People often say our loved ones are in a ‘better place,’ but for me, the best place for her was right here. She faced blindness with courage, earned her degree in IT, pursued graduate studies, and even found joy in adaptive skiing. I carry deep pride in who she was, and an enduring grief that she is gone.”

Chapter leader Bernadette Schendel of North Mankato spoke about appropriate communication with grieving families. She said people should avoid statements such as “I know how you feel” unless they have experienced the death of a child and should not compare the loss of a child to other types of loss.

Schendel encouraged people to ask parents about their children, including their interests and favorite activities.

“Saying their name matters,” she said.

Members of The Compassionate Friends join hands in a circle to say a collective goodnight to their children, a monthly ritual observed because many families never had the chance to do so in life.  

Schendel, daughter Ashley was 19 when she died. Schendel said initially she had no desire to attend the group meetings, but over time, the group became a lifeline.

The program also included poetry readings. One poem described candles as representing remembrance and ongoing connection to those who have died.

The South Central Minnesota chapter of The Compassionate Friends was founded 45 years ago by Darlene and Clinton Nelson. It is currently led by Bernadette and Robin Schendel with support from a steering committee that includes Jean and Al Bening, Angie Cherney, and Karen and Rich Johnson.

The chapter meets monthly on the last Monday from 7 to 9 p.m. at Redeemer Lutheran Church, except in December. Meetings are also available via Zoom.

The chapter’s newsletter, produced by Angie Cherney, is distributed to more than 400 families across the region. Families may sponsor newsletter issues that include their child’s photo and story, with printing costs covered through donations and sponsorships.

Robin and Bernadette Schendel, co-leaders of The Compassionate Friends, stand with Karen and Rich Johnson, the chapter’s treasurer team, during Sunday’s candlelight ceremony at Redeemer Lutheran Church in New Ulm.  

The Compassionate Friends provides support to families who have experienced the death of a child, grandchild or sibling. For more information, contact Bening or email tcfsouthcentralmn@gmail.com

Al and Jean Bening, who manage technology and outreach for The Compassionate Friends, stand with newsletter editor Angie Cherney during Sunday’s candlelight ceremony at Redeemer Lutheran Church in New Ulm.