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Dear Annie: My only
sister, "Donna," and her husband,
"Otis," moved out of
state, leaving me as the sole
caregiver to our 97-year-old
father. Their adult daughter
"Leah" did not move with
them and stayed here locally
not far from my father.
My father lives near me
and rents a small home in
a senior community, which
he enjoys, but has kept his
old, empty, rundown home
nearby. Although his empty
home needs repair, it is in a
very affluent area.
Donna and Otis asked
my father if they could repair
his rundown home so
Leah could move in. They
never mentioned how much
Leah would pay per month
to live in it — or if she would
pay anything at all — and
said a rental agreement
wasn't necessary because
she is family.
My father initially said
he would consider it, but I
had a bad feeling about the
whole idea. If my father
were to fix it up, he should
rent it out to help himself
financially, as his monthly
nut is tight. I never spoke to
Donna about my concerns
because it was our father's
decision, but I did tell my
father to be careful and
voiced my concerns to him.
Otis said he could come
out, stay in the house and
give it the needed facelift,
but first, my father had to
fork over tens of thousands
of dollars upfront. Otis, by
the way, is not a contractor
nor seems very skilled
at home repairs. Otis also
refused to give my father
any itemized accounting
of where any of the money
would go.
Without getting a 100%
go ahead from my father,
Otis came out and began
demolishing the kitchen
and bathroom fixtures and
tossing my father's personal
items out without his
permission. In the end, my
father was very upset and
decided to not have them do
any work at all on the home.
Since then, Donna barely
talks to our father. Although
they come back every few
months to see Leah and
visit other relatives, staying
for a few weeks at a time,
they barely see my father
once a year and only for
an hour or two. They don't
contact me at all, never ever
inquire about my father's
well-being or if I need any
help with him when they are
here. I personally haven't
heard from Donna, Otis or
Leah since the whole house
shenanigans occurred in
2021.
I have continued to send
birthday cards, holiday texts
and emails to all of them
because I wanted to do the
right thing on my end. My
question is, should I just
stop trying to reach out to
my sister and niece and just
write them off? — Reach
Out or Write Off
Dear Reach Out or
Write Off: Relationships,
with family or otherwise,
are a two-way street. Your
sister, brother-in-law and
niece have had more than
enough opportunities to return
your warm gestures and
have either failed or purposely
chosen not to do so. I
hope they have a change of
heart in the future — but for
now, I advise that you save
your efforts for those who
actually deserve and reciprocate
your love.
The fact that you have
persisted to maintain some
semblance of a relationship
with your family despite
their silence and drama of
the past is a testament to
your kindness. Your father
is extremely lucky to have
a daughter like you, who
keeps his best interest in
mind, in his corner.