‘A lifeline when I had lost all hope’
Compassionate Friends national award given to New Ulm chapter leader
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NEW ULM – Bernadette Schendel, leader of New Ulm's Compassionate Friends chapter was honored with a national Chapter Leadership Award by the organization.
Compassionate Friends is an organization that offers support for families who experience the death of a child. Founded in England by a pastor who brought two families together after hearing they were each grieving with the loss of a child, the organization came to America in 1978.
Resources are not only for parents of the child lost.
"They have resources for grandparents and siblings and other family members online," Schendel said.
Although the organization is national, each chapter acts independently.
"We set up remembrance trees for the month of December so families can bring an ornament for their loved one," Schendel said. "We've also done a flower and candle float at the river."
Schendel became involved with Compassionate Friends after losing her 19-year-old daughter to suicide back in 2009.
"My husband and I heard about it from a couple in our church," Schendel said. "They had lost a son many years before that."
The couple brought Schendel and her husband with them to meetings, which was beneficial to Schendel who initially didn't want to go.
"I didn't want to be a part of that group, I didn't want to be a family where a child died by suicide," Schendel said," "but after a while I determined that helping other helped myself."
In part, Schendel found this out by doing volunteer work her daughter had been involved with.
"I would serve meals with the Salvation Army and donate blood in her memory because she used to do that," Schendel said.
Schendel's volunteer work led her toward getting more involved with Passionate Friends.
"I wanted to start seeing some changes and knew that if I wanted to see changes happen I knew I had to be a part of that change," Schendel said.
Prior to Schendel receiving the leadership role in 2017, New Ulm's chapter spent most of their meeting times doing introductions and telling stories.
"We do that, but to a smaller extent," Schendel said.
Time saved by shorter introductions allowed for activities to become a consistent part of the meetings.
"Doing something physical can help move some of that grief off," Schendel said.
She described grief as a tea kettle boiling and activities as lifting the lid to release the pressure.
"We typically touch on different topics like anger," Schendel said, "maybe you're angry at yourself, them, God."
Being around people who have also experienced loss is helpful.
"If you say something to the general public they might look at you odd," Schendel said, "but those feelings are normal and you'll come out the other side."
The group averages about 20 people for their monthly meetings, which take place at Redeemer Lutheran Church the last Monday of every month at 7pm except in December.
Numbers increase in December, when they meet the second Sunday. December's meeting features a potluck, memorial slideshow, guest speakers, and a memorial craft.
"We're here for the long haul because grief doesn't end shortly," Schendel said.
Schendel and New Ulm's chapter is one of the more active groups in the area. They are one of the few chapters that puts out a quarterly newsletter which goes out to over 400 organizations and families.
Schendel's dedication and creative approach to meetings set her apart for the award.
"I was extremely surprised, to me it's just something that I do out of the love for my daughter so I didn’t think I deserved any special recognition for that," Schendel said.
Schendel's love for her daughter snowballed into a community where people could support one another during some of the hardest moments of their lives.
"I was in a pretty dark place for a while and wasn't sure I wanted to live," Schendel said. "Going to the meetings helped me see that others have gone through similar things and they made it."