Providing a lifeline for people grieving
Compassionate Friends provides lifeline for people grieving
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NEW ULM -- Bernadette Schendel of North Mankato said she wasn't sure if she wanted to live after her daughter Ashley died of a Tylenol overdose at age 19 in 2009.
That was until she found The Compassionate Friends South Central Minnesota Chapter of New Ulm, a self-help, non-profit organization for bereaved parents, siblings, and grandparents that offers group support, friendship and understanding, no matter the cause or length of time it has been since their child, grandchild, or sibling died.
The Sunday night project at Redeemer Lutheran Church included several dozen people listening to live music, reading poems and personal helpful insights, and a photo slide show of loved ones.
"The group was a lifeline. It saved my life. When you go through grief, you're just lost. It's so helpful to have someone walk that journey with you," said Schendel.
Bernadette and her husband Robin were led to Compassionate Friends by people they want to church with in North Mankato. They help lead the local Compassionate Friends chapter that includes dozens of South Central Minnesotan residents.
Bernadette talked about grief in her talk Sunday.
"I struggled with a fear of not wanting to lose anyone else, yet contemplated my own end. What draws you out of a valley like that? For me, that happened 3 after my daughter's death when I heard a small child's laughter, which reminded me there was still joy in life is only I was willing to accept it. This cracked the door open to my moving forward in my journey with grief," she said.
Schendel later decided to make a quilt out of the scrub tops her daughter wore at a nursing home, a job she said her daughter was passionate about.
"She enjoyed the elderly residents who lived there and often told us how they would comment about her colorful scrub tops. I held tight to the memories her scrub tops evoked. I used a seam ripper to take apart the seams and remove all the pockets, so I didn't waste any material," said Schendel.
She took the project with her when she visited her mother.
"We could not make sense of why she chose to ingest a large amount of Tylenol but we had no answers. As much as it hurt to have this conversation, I knew it was something she needed to talk through too. Eventually, I told her I won't need to know the answer to that question," she said.
Schendel said the quilt may not be a masterpiece to others because she never made one before and because the material was well worn, but to her, it was a masterpiece of the love she has for her daughter.
"I hope yuou take as much time as you need and not let anyone tell you that it's taking too long to get back to yourself. As we all know, we are forever changed," said Schendel.
"In this journey with grief, I have discovered it is still possible to have joy in my life. I can still make precious new memories with the loved ones around me. I hope to cherish those as much as I do the memories I see when I look at Ashley's quilt," he said.
Jack Gieseke, a rural Nicollet farmer, said he got a different perspective when I fell this fall.
"A bad sprain may not seem like a big deal, but there's one thing. At that moment, my combine was in pieces in the middle of a big repair. I had several loads of corn to haul to make room for the next harvest. And I had no working dryer since I was installing a different one when I fell," he said.
Gieseke said his first reaction was, in a couple weeks, he'd be back to doing things himself. He just had to wait to get better.
"But it didn't get better. I finally realized that I had to accept the help people offered. Some neighbors put my combine back together and helped with the bean harvest. Others hauled the old corn, took out the new crop, and hauled everything to town. Without the help, the entire year would have been lost," he said.
Gieseke said he realized his fall had a lot of similarities to the moment he and his wife's eldest son Fredrick died 11 years ago in the middle of harvest.
He described his feelings.
"I couldn't think past the idea that Fredrick was dead. I walked through that fall on instinct. I don't know how I didn't get hurt or wreck something. I think God was watching out for me. Many people offered to help, but I turned them away. When I hurt my ankle, I thought I just needed time. The doctor helped me see I had to change my ways before I could heal. The same was true after Frederick's death," Gieseke said.
He said Compassionate friends helped him realize he had to change his grieving ways before he could heal.
"I realized I had to find balance in my life after Frederick's death. Hearing others talk about their grief opened me up to understand a way to deal with mine, not just stuff it and hope it would go away," said Gieseke.
Compassionate Friends of South Central Minnesota meet 7-9 p.m. the last Monday of the month except December at Redeemer Lutheran Church, 700 South Broadway. Visit http://tcf-sc-mn.org. Email tcfsouthcentralmn@gmail.com.