NEW ULM — After two years of COVID-19 suppression, the Irish people of New Ulm will be stepping out proudly in the sunshine again for the New Ulm St. Patrick’s Day Parade, in its 57th year the longest continuous St. Patrick’s Day parade in the state of Minnesota.

Two years ago, when state imposed closings and restrictions due to COVID-19, New Ulm Police were forced to cancel the parade — or so they thought. Some loyal Irish paraded surreptitiously, according to Tom Donnelly, the dean of the parade celebrants. The paraders had to go the right way down Minnesota Street to avoid drawing attention to themselves, but they did cover the route — twice, just to make sure it was official, said Donnelly.

It was the same last year, with secret paraders heading around town to keep the record and tradition alive.

Donnelly likened it to the famous hedge schools of Ireland. When their British overlords tried to punish Irish Catholics by not allowing them to send their children to school, the Irish schoolmasters met with their students in fields behind hedges, far from the watchful eyes of the British. Whether it is education or parading, the Irish will find a way.

This year, with restrictions largely lifted, the Irish will be marching proudly, starting at 5 p.m. from Third South and Minnesota, heading the wrong way up Minnesota to the Glockenspiel at 4th North, or to the Kaiserhoff, which has been dubbed Jan’s Pub for the day for the Gathering of the Clans banquet, which starts after the parade. Everyone is welcome, and reservations are preferred. Music will be provided by the O’Concord Singers.

The Irish Queen this year will be Maureen Callahan Bohnen. The parade grand marshal was to be Chuck Gillis, who has taken ill and will not be able to participate. His place is being taken by “Larry 1Athe Leprechaun,” a stalwart Irish fisherman who recently helped lead a flotilla of Irish fishing trawlers to disrupt the Russian naval war games.

(Editor’s note: Almost everything in this article up to this point is largely truthful. Readers from here on out should believe what they read at their own risk.)

The theme of the parade this year is “One More Year,” said Donnelly, a tribute to the Irish perseverance over the past couple of years and not an indication that this is the last one.

“We are expecting to get more cooperation from the city this year thanks to our new mayor, Terry Sveine, who, although he is a Norwegian with hints of Lichtenstein thrown in, at least says his last name with an Irish pronunciation,” said Donnelly. “We suspect he has been an Irish wannabe for many years, just like Don Brand, who has been claiming to be German but still taking credit for keeping the parade going for years now.”

The Irish are happy to that the city is working on removing the nepotism restrictions from the city charter. “It will be cheaper for city officials to put their shiftless relatives on the city payroll and keep them from the welfare rolls,” said Donnelly.

The Irish are very excited about another business development in town — The Black Frost Distillery that Jace Marti and Nate Gieseke are opening in June to distill a wholly Minnesota-grown variety of whiskey.

“The Irish in New Ulm are offering their services for taste-testing to ensure that their finished product is potent and palatable,” said Donnelly. “We know quality control is the most important part of distilling and brewing — it is what has been holding the Schell’s Brewery back for so long. It’s a good thing for the brewery that St. Patrick’s Day comes around so they can sell all the beer that has turned green throughout the year.”

The Irish have also been busy consulting with MnDOT on the Highway 14 expansion project, which will expand the two-lane highway into four lanes and ease the traffic coming into New Ulm for the parade. In the past, the state has devoted both lanes for traffic heading toward New Ulm. With four lanes, the state will be able to keep at least one outward bound lane open on St. Patrick’s day.

A special addition to the parade this year will be the music of Ricky O’Franta, the Floggin’ Farmer from the Holy Land, who will enthrall parade goers with Irish concertina tunes guaranteed to shake their shamrocks.

The traditional St. Patrick’s Day events will be held — the Rope Pushing Contest in German Park, the Cat Herding Contest at the Brown County Humane Society and the Hermann the German Roll Out the Barrel Barrel Roll, in which Mayor Sveine will be placed in a barrel and rolled down Center Street from the Hermann Monument to Brown County Museum. His arrival will signal the beginning of the 5K Irish Jig, where participants will wear T-shirts emblazoned with the motto, “Jig, Don’t Jog.”