During this time of the COVID-19 pandemic caregiving for a family member or friend may have changed drastically. Your conscience may be bothered by the fact that you cannot maintain your caregiving role in the same manner as usual. You might also feel very guilty about not being able to be at their home, apartment or hospital bedside. Your guilt might increase knowing that someone else is providing the care and support that is normally your responsibility.

If this is the case, take time to share your feelings the care recipient, your family members or a friend. We are in the midst of times that many have never experienced before.  In fact, your care recipient will appreciate the caregiver maintaining their relationship by staying in touch by phone or electronic messaging. When calls replace in-person visits, normal conversations, discussions and decisions can still be maintained. Any contact no matter how limited is better than no contact. 

There may be some advantages to being apart.  If you had been with the care recipient, they might have tried to stay awake and talk, even when rest is needed.  Another plus for both of you is the fun you can have during the calls.  Perhaps you could just chat for a few minutes and then surprise your care recipient by playing their favorite songs or having a mutual friend or family member say hello.   

Geographic separation from a loved one who is suffering with physical pain or separation pain may be excruciating for caregivers. Staying in touch by phone, just hearing that person’s voice, brings relief. Do reach out and connect with your care recipient. It feels good.  It is good.

Assure your care recipient that the in-person visits will resume when the pandemic is behind us and it is safe for you to visit them again.

Tips for Caregiving from a Distance: What you can do to ease the pain of separation.

Let your loved one know you are still there for him or her.

Call frequently.  Hold normal conversations.  Do not focus on their disease.

Do answer their questions about the pandemic, the need for physical distancing and extreme safety.

Do calm their concerns, fears and anxieties about the pandemic.

Do talk about coping skills, staying strong, staying positive and staying resilient.

Do talk about what is happening with friends and family and how they are coping with the pandemic.

Play their favorite music over the phone.

Share sources of calmness that may ease their path.

Read aloud – poetry or stories they would enjoy.

E-mail jokes, funny stories, pieces of relevant information, inspirational messages.

Arrange an electronic chat with additional family and friends joining in on the chat.

Mail surprise packages such musical CDs, movies, books, crossword puzzles, easy to handle crafts.

Send a bouquet of balloons or flowers. 

Share fun memories the two of you have enjoyed together.

Information adapted from article by Peg Crandall, MA, CPC in Today’s Caregiver Newsletter, February 12, 2014.

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If you would like more information on “Caregiver from a Distance” contact Gail Gilman, Family Life Consultant, M.Ed., C.F.C.S. and Professor Emeritus University of Minnesota at waldn001@umn.edu. Be sure to watch for more Family Living Focus™ information in next week’s paper.