When Irish people are celebrating ...

By KEVIN SWEENEY Journal Editor
NEW ULM -- An unusual juxtaposition of Holy Week and St. Patrick’s Day has had bishops around the country calling for the Irish to move their annual celebration from next Monday to today or Saturday.

But the 43rd annual St. Patrick’s Day Parade in New Ulm will take place on Monday, March 17, with the blessing of diocesan administrator Msgr. Douglas Grams, according to parade organizers Tom Donnelly and Bill O’Connor.

The annual parade will take place at 5 p.m. It will proceed, as usual, the wrong way up Minnesota Street from Third South Street to Fourth North Street. All who are Irish and who appreciate the Irish are invited to participate.

According to O’Connor and Donnelly, Grams had no problem with the celebration.

“He knows it is first and foremost a religious holiday,” said O’Connor. “We have a parade, prayer, a meal, and then we go home.”

“The Monsignor knows our parade, and the love we Irish have for the Germans, and vice-versa,” said Donnelly.

(Editor’s note: The information above is factual. We cannot vouch for the statements to follow)

The theme for the parade this year is an old favorite of O’Connor’s: “You can always tell a German, but you can’t tell him much.”

This year’s parade will be a bit different. Instead of marching proudly along with his fellow Irishmen before the cheering crowds packing the sidewalks of New Ulm from Broadway to German Street, O’Connor will be riding in a car as grand marshal of the parade. It was an honor Donnelly and fellow organizer Terry Dempsey thought was long overdue for O’Connor, who has been New Ulm’s official blarneymeister over four decades.

O’Connor, however, insists he is serving as grand marshal only under protest. He claims the only way he will ride in the car is if he is stuffed into the trunk.

“I may be the first parade grand marshal ever who throws rocks at the crowd instead of candy,” O’Connor said.

The Irish Queen will be Kaitlan Guldan. She will take the traditional ride in the boat along with Mayor Joel Albrecht, who has been demoted from Grand Marshal to “Honored Guest” this year.

As usual, St. Patrick’s Day will feature a number of events designed to stimulate the minds and bodies of the normally stolid German citizens.

The annual rope-pushing contest will be held in German Park at 2 p.m.

The traditional medallion hunt will be held as well, though in all the years it has been held no one has ever found it. This year the medallion will be 8 feet in diameter, painted bright green and will be hidden in the Wal-Mart parking lot with a bright red light blinking on the top.

Unfortunately, the annual All-Nations basketball tournament has been canceled.

“Our star player, Denny Warta, injured his shoulder in a fall injury and won’t be able to play,” said O’Connor.

An ice fishing contest will be held on Lake Hanska. The person who catches the biggest bullhead will get a six-pack of Schell’s Beer. Second place is two six packs of Schell’s.

For the intellectual stimulation of the community, City Attorney Hugh Nierengarten and Pat Kneefe will have a debate on “The Real Meaning of Justice,” said O’Connor. The debate will be held at 3 p.m. at Turner Hall.

A new event this year is the “Name Rick Howk’s Alley” contest.

“It will be judged by Howk’s good friend, Dan Beranek,” said O’Connor. “Entries can be dropped off at Dan’s office at Alliance Bank.”

Speaking of Alliance Bank, Bank President John Wisniewski has a special offer — he will give a free carnation to every German woman who opens a new account, with a minimum initial deposit of $100,000. “He’s been doing this for years,” said O’Connor.

“I think he’s on his second dozen of carnations,” said Donnelly.

The annual Done Nothing Award will be presented, in a special move, to a group instead of an individual. The recipient will be the entire New Ulm City Council.

With the expected changes on the New Ulm City Council and Beranek’s decision not to run for Councilor-At-Large, the Irish in New Ulm are looking through their ranks to find an Irish person fill the position, said O’Connor. The Irish are no longer satisfied with pulling the strings from behind and want to take a more active role in local politics.

“Never in human history have so few done so much for so many,” said O’Connor, referring to the contributions of the Irish in New Ulm.

The Irish are steering away from presidential politics, however. They will not be endorsing a candidate. The only candidate with an Irish name is Sen. John McCain, a Republican, and the Irish are all confirmed Democrats, except for Terry Dempsey. O’Connor has long claimed Dempsey’s Republicanism is a result of being dropped on his head as a baby.

The Irish are also watching with interest the sad situation in New York, where Gov. Eliot Spitzer has resigned after being caught up in a scandal involving a $5,000-an-hour call girl. Such a thing could never happen in New Ulm, said O’Connor. “Mayor Joel Albrecht is too darn cheap to pay for that.”

O’Connor did recall one incident, however, where Albrecht was walking down a street in Minneapolis several years ago and a comely looking young lady approached him.

“Say, honey, for $100 I’ll do anything you can say in three words,” she told him.

“Okay,” said Albrecht. “Paint my house.”

Following the parade, the Irish will gather at the Kaiserhoff for a Corned Beef and Cabbage dinner, and entertainment by the Concord Singers.

Unfortunately, O’Connor’s wife, Mary, will be unable to dance the Irish Jig on the Kaiserhoff bar this year, the traditional finale for the celebration.

“Mary just came out of the hospital after having surgery,” said O’Connor. “While she was in the operating room, I asked the doctor to put a couple of stitches in her lips. It’s been nice and quiet around the house since then.”