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Violence problem starts at home

December 31, 2012

To the editor: After a week of listening to our president and others on the tragedy at Newtown, Conn., how about this? Start with the home: 1 .Discipline, 2....

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(20)

JReader

Jan-09-13 7:55 AM

So MCW, it's just disciplining them... spanking is nothing more than a form of behavior modification by the introduction of a pain response. Would you be ok if a parent used a cattle prod to introduce a little pain to a misbehaving child ? Do you have a maximum width of belt that should be used when performing a "whipping" ?

Where does discipline end and child abuse begin ?

Again, what does the child really learn when they receive a beating ? I'll give you a hint - worthlessness.

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mytwocents

Jan-09-13 9:21 AM

MCW, hitting is far from good parenting, ask any professional for parenting advice and they will tell you this. My mother never laid a hand on me...or perhaps I was just a really good kid? I respect her even more today for it too.

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GrandmaD

Jan-09-13 10:33 AM

This conversation started out with a swat on the butt. My son who is past his mid thirties remembers two swats on the butt, one for running into the street five times in a row and one for continuous punches on his sister's back. The swats were attention getters to warn of danger of getting hit by a car & of hurting his sister. We called them warning thumps. They did not inflict pain.

I have never slapped, used continuous swats or used any type of intrument ever & have stepped in a few times when I witnessed such actions.

To talk about cattle prods & whipping belts is absolutely no comparison to a swat on the butt. Everyone of us knows that those things should not be used.

I know parents who have NEVER swatted a butt because they don't believe in it, & they have kids who are constantly hitting & kicking other kids. Their kids certainly didn't learn by example.

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JReader

Jan-09-13 11:48 AM

Grandma,

My point is exactly what you mentioned. When does a simple swat on the butt go too far ? One parent's idea of corporal punishment is another parent's definition of abuse. I'm not trying to suggest that you or anyone else is or was a bad parent. I do think kids do learn what they are taught and they are taught in a large exent by example. When we spank kids we tell them that there are situations where inflicting pain and violence are acceptable. Kids today also get this messages from other sources (TV & video games). So when it happens in a family setting it is just further reinforced.

In your son's case you mentioned, you hit him because he was hitting his sister. Don't you think that would send him (or any kid) a mixed message ? It's like you are hitting someone and that is wrong therefore to punish you I'm now going to hit you. I guess I don't get that part.

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GrandmaD

Jan-09-13 3:35 PM

The very few swats on the butt that I did were not to punish my children. They were to get their attention, so they knew that something bad could result because of their actions. That is the message they retained - not that I was punishing them.

Again, I know parents who do not believe even in a simple swat, & their children are always kicking & hitting So, I guess kids get the message that it's okay to hit with that example, also.

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mnsotn

Jan-10-13 7:13 AM

I don't think anyone here suggested whipping a kid with a belt or using any sort of object, do you can quit over dramatising it now.

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JReader

Jan-10-13 2:06 PM

It doesn't matter if an object is used or not. Pain is pain whether it was inflicted to get attention or to punish or whether hand or a belt was used.

A kid just knows it as a violent act against them and they have no legal right for an adult to stop it.

We all decry violence yet we are so willing to use it just to get a child's "attention".

If we teach our children that violence is a means to a desired end we shouldn't be surprised when they decide to use it someday down the road for themselves.

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GrandmaD

Jan-10-13 2:50 PM

To echo an earlier comment by MCW - Oh boy.

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mytwocents

Jan-10-13 3:05 PM

JR, I agree with you. I also find it interesting that so many are willing to admit that they hit their kids. Maybe some anger management would work too.

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GrandmaD

Jan-10-13 9:34 PM

JReader - All of us decry violence, and none of us have used it against our children, so please stop with the accusations.

mytwocents - anger management? My two painless swats, one to stop my son from getting hit by a car & one to stop him from hurting his sister happened over 32 years ago. The "damage" is done, so I guess it's too late for me.

mnsotn - No one answered your question, "Tell me more about how you think it is wrong to spank a child but murdering babies is A-ok?" Just as no one ever answered PastResident's question, "At what point do you feel a child is worth protecting?"

Perhaps, JReader, who understands & believes in the "choice" part of the abortion argument can answer those questions now.

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GopherState

Jan-11-13 1:03 AM

I am more concerned about those of you who's kids know what mom and dad look like when they are drunk, those of you who smoke in the car or house with your kids present, those of you who pay little attention to your kids and know little about them. Maybe some of you should be looking in the mirror before you go patting yourselves on the back simply because you are the queen of time outs.

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GopherState

Jan-11-13 1:05 AM

I would also like to know why it is bad to spank a child but okay to murder a child that is just a few months from being born. That is the ultimate in child abuse.

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svensota

Jan-11-13 1:11 PM

Speaking of the ultimate in non sequiturs: I would like to know why it is bad to cheer for the Packers but okay to drink lemonade in the winter.

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EaglesFan

Jan-11-13 1:14 PM

Sven, when you die (and I wish you a long, healthy life) I hope you lend your mind to science.

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UPSETULMER

Jan-11-13 1:15 PM

And...why do people drink coffee during the summer?

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UPSETULMER

Jan-11-13 1:17 PM

Eaglesfan...why would he want to lend it? He'll be dead...he won't need it back.

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GrandmaD

Jan-11-13 2:44 PM

To address speaking of the ultimate non seqiturs: No explanation is needed for why cheering for the Packers is bad. It just is. It is okay to drink lemonade in the winter because people (like me) are hot all year round. It is okay to drink coffee in the summer because people (like me) are tired all year round.

Sven has already lent his mind to Science with his "How did life begin" theory - posted elsewhere. He is still not sure what everyone will become should Highway 14 stay the same, but I have faith that he will soon know the answer. Of the possibilities he listed, I'm hoping to be a snow fairy because I'm already short like an elf, & there are already too many grumpy old men.

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svensota

Jan-11-13 3:26 PM

GrandmaDemocrat: Don't you think it's a bit boastful to state that you're hot all year around?

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svensota

Jan-11-13 4:07 PM

UPSET: People drink coffee in the summer because they cheer for the Vikings in the winter and murder the English language on this site. Ultimately, it's what happens when snow fairies are in charge of Highway 14.

Got it? There, that was easy to explain.

It's the Oscars that have me confused.

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GrandmaD

Jan-11-13 6:50 PM

GraNODEMa just checked back here. Hmmm, I see that I need to choose my words a bit more wisely. I was referring to the demonic hot flashes, of course, but what the heck.

I do cheer for the Vikings in the winter, & I know I do carelessly spell a word wrong or miss a word here & there, but that's not why I drink coffee. I talked my brain into thinking coffee is what I need to start the day.

I no longer want to be a snow fairy if I have to be in charge of Highway 14, so I'm hoping there will be other possibilities. The Oscars are not confusing. Just sit back, watch, & enjoy. It's out of your hands, as is just about everything.

I still long for answers to questions from the original conversation, before the ultimate in non sequiturs demanded answers, but oh well. There will be other opportunities.

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