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Lessons from Jacob

On a Saturday morning, there were texts on my phone. We have a group that begins most mornings with a baseball topic of the day or rehashing the latest Twins’ implosion. Not today. Instead, “FBI told where to find Jacob Wetterling’s remains,” followed rapidly by “Wow!” “Serious?” and “Such a sad story.”

The moment we got that news will stick with us. It was the bitter end of a 27-year heartbreak. Those of us of a certain age recall vividly October of 1989. First the news, then days turning into weeks of yearning for some good ending, turning into months, turning into years.

There is now a generation that only knows of Jacob from the story. My daughter Abby was born two Octobers after the abduction. Abby sent a text from her home in California asking if it was true. By then I had read what I could and I called her. I started to talk to her.

Then I just couldn’t. I think I joined thousands in coming to tears that day.

Later on, when I could, I called Abby back to finish the conversation. I wondered why I had broken down during the earlier call. Certainly there is deep sorrow for the grieving family. Then there is unspeakable dread knowing the final hours of Jacob’s life. But it also felt like I was overcome by sheer exhaustion, 27 years of wondering crumbling into a heap.

The murder became horrifically fresh despite the passage of nearly three decades. It was as if those years compressed to become one moment in time.

Did any of us really believe Jacob was alive? Logically, no. Hope is a powerful thing, though. Once a year I burn a large pile of branches and seed bags, flames roaring skyward. Days later, I’m surprised to find small embers glowing down in the ashes. Hope is that unlikely ember.

I wrote about Jacob last fall. I said then that his story binds Minnesotans together. More than any sports team or politician or musician, this has united us. It has never gone much below the surface. Anniversaries have been noted along with occasional bits of news. All of us have felt the suffering of the Wetterlings. We have watched that gracious and noble family with empathy.

Jacob is one boy in a world where there are too many stories of boys and girls who are treated badly. Modern media means almost daily we hear these things: infants killed by caretakers, young teens being prostituted, college students disappearing. On a global level, 28 million children are refugees of the world’s conflicts, many of them will spend today hungry and destitute.

Each of those children is important and valuable; each is a beautiful creation of God. Jacob is not more or less than any of them. But Jacob has come to stand for them. He has come to represent all children who deserve better. Sadly, now that we know the end of Jacob’s life, he will be forever eleven years old. We so much wish Jacob could be given the teen and adult years that were ripped from him. But out of this tragedy, good has come through focus on missing and abducted children.

Now, it is almost hard to believe it has come to a conclusion. It’s the terrible ending we suspected. If you are a parent, you know that you would give your life for your child. In this case, I think thousands would have willingly taken that bullet for Jacob. Of course we can’t do that; we can’t go back to 1989 and that dirt road outside of St. Joseph. But now that Jacob’s story has come to an end, we go forward, both to honor Jacob and to help the children he stands for who are living today. What can we do?

Parenting has always been difficult, and there are unique challenges today. What hasn’t changed is the commitment that it takes. Your child can’t be a sideline that you give the leftover parts of your life to. They need your best effort. The type of effort is constantly evolving as the needs of infants, young children, and teens are different.

There will be days you are frustrated even leading to anger. You must not let those emotions overwhelm you. You must let love lead. Guide them in love. Discipline them in love. Even the hard lessons, teach them in love.

Then there are the children in your sphere, those of extended family and those from your community. Parents always need a hand, especially when the home may not be as structured and complete as ideal. Encourage a child whenever you can. Bend down to talk to them. Be one more positive model in their life; they can’t have too many.

Beyond that are children you encounter at the store, the park, a ballgame, wherever. For them, be another set of eyes, an unknown guardian angel. Most of the time, that means you simply observe and share in the joy of a child. But if you see something not right, you may be called to some action.

Caring about children means caring about children we will never know out there in this large country and even the world beyond our borders. It is not easy, often complicated, but we must try to support policies that make the world safer and healthier for children. That means spending time comparing positions and candidates and all that messy stuff.

I believe in my heart that Jacob is in the arms of a loving God. But he remains with us as Every Child. He is compelling us to do better, to do better for every child.

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